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Writer's pictureValerie Frazier

The Gift of Letting Go

Updated: Oct 7

The ability to let go of someone that has left this life comes over time. The ability to let go comes after you've been through the fire and you're approaching the other side of grief. It took me a few years, but I tell you true, the ability to let go is an amazing gift.


Let me tell you a story:


  • Mr. Sylvester Durant, a lovely man...in his mid-90s... told me, "I've seen people get shot in the head and live and people get shot in the leg and die. No one dies before their time..." That's a hard pill to swallow. No one wants to believe that people we love leave us because it's "their time" to leave this life. Mr. Durant helped me to create a new consciousness around death and dying. He and I spoke often during the first year of my grief journey. He helped to change my perspective. He has now left this life. I think of him and smile.


  • As many of you know, my son Jason was shot and killed at the age of 25. What many of you don't know is that when he was 5, he told me that he was going to die at the age of 25 and that he would be shot. Jason turned 25 on March 14th. He was shot and killed 2 months later. Eight months before Jason left this like, he said, "ma, when it's your turn...it's your turn...you can't run from it..."


  • My brother Jackie told our mother, about 2 weeks before he drowned, that he was going to drown. That he would drown in the Saginaw River. Though my brother was a strong swimmer, he fell into the river in an area that was a favorite fishing spot. Fishing wire prevented him from swimming to safety. He drowned., in the Saginaw River.


I am certain that some of you have had similar experiences, experiences that speak into something extraordinary. I am certain that some of you, like myself, have experienced people who have left this life; have seen them and felt their presence. When you have experienced such things, you know that physical death is not the end of who we are. Mr. Durant is still Mr. Durant. Jason is still Jason. My brother...is still my brother. The person you love is still the person you love.


Go on a trip with me called:


THE TUNNEL


Image a tunnel - it's large - wide - long and tubular. It's dark inside kind of like the skies at night dark. Imagine that you can see through the tunnel to a light at the other end. It's brilliant - yet soft, comforting, peaceful. As you stand there, you can feel the warmth that it radiates, and your greatest desire is to bask in the peace of it. You decide to step inside the tunnel. It feels magnificent.


As you take a few steps forward you turn to look behind you and there is a different kind of light. You can see soft blue skies, mountains, and beautiful landscapes in the distance. You turn back toward the light of comfort and peace.


As you soften your gaze to adjust to the gentle darkness of the tunnel, you look to your left and see a column of people walking towards the comforting light. You recognize them as people you know, your parents, grandparents, great grandparents, friends, other relatives that have left this life. They are returning to the source of all existence - returning to the place of all that is. They are comforted. They are at peace. They are smiling... for it is done.


Then you look to the right and there's another column of people coming from that same place, walking towards the blue skies, mountains and beautiful landscapes behind you. They are familiar too; you know them in this life. It is in that moment that you realize that it is true...we all come and go. We enter the procession.


That's in the nature of our existence. We come, we experience, we live, we love, we go, but the essence, the true Essence of who we are...remains. We remain in the energetic vibration of what is. Always available in that special, special kind of way. That way that is just for those of us that get the truth of it. We remain in the hearts, the minds, the memories of those whose turn...has yet to come.


The true Essence of our loved ones is available to those of us who can love across time. Available to those of us that can soften our gaze and see inside the tunnel. We can take a deep breath that breathes our loved ones in... and holds them gently. In our hearts and minds we breathe them in and then we release them. We breath them out...back into the presence of all that is. We can breathe them in, feel their presence, and let them go... anytime we want.


Like everyone before us, we come, we experience, we live, we love, and then when it is our turn...and only then...we return to the Tunnel. We will see those that left before us, and those that are leaving with us. We will look to the other side at those that are coming here behind us.


I challenge you to consider what I'm saying and give yourself permission to gently breathe them in... hold on...smile with them and gently let go... any time you want.


Be Well.




DISCLAIMER

 

Coaching is not professional counseling, therapy nor a mental health service. I do not imply, infer, or attempt to fix, heal, or cure grief. Some conditions may require a consultation and referral from/to a licensed physician or mental health professional. If you are experiencing serious suicidal thoughts that you cannot control, please call 911 or 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.

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