Forgive...or Be a Victim of Your Choice Not To

I disagree with the notion that all must be forgiven. There are truly some things in this life that are unforgiveable, sometimes undeserving...and that's okay. It may not be possible. However, there is a level of freedom, a sense of peace that the "energy of forgiveness" brings like nothing else.

Forgiveness, as I define it, is the act of giving up resentment, softly put, against someone that you believe has done you harm, that has trespassed against you. The energy of forgiveness is that of letting go, that of freeing yourself, energetically, emotionally, physically, from a prison that you've put yourself in by continuing to have negative thoughts, and feelings in response to something that has "happened." Not forgiving has a dark, heavy, consuming energy around it. It binds you, puts you in a box without exists. A box that you've created for yourself and no other. Believe me when I say that your living can't support that. That's what this blog is about.

Let me tell you a story:

For several reasons, my mom hated her father, to the end of her days. Even after he died. He died when she was about 26. She left this life at the age of 87. I witnessed the mental, emotional and physical affect it had on her. It began when mom was 10. Her mother died. In those days the body of the deceased was brought to the family home. There is where people came to view the body. My mom shared with me that she didn't know what death was and no one explained what had happened to her mother. But what she experienced was that one day her mother was gone, and she didn't know where [her mother had gone to the hospital and was there for a time before she died there]. My mom was the youngest child, and no one explained anything to her.

The next time that she saw her mother was in the front room of their home, still, unmoving, in a box on a table. People were looking in the box at her mother still and unmoving. She recalled people eating, talking, smiling, even laughing to include her father. She couldn't understand. Her mind had no place for such a thing. And no one explained it, not even her older brothers and sisters [who she grew to dislike]. My mom even believed that her father had killed her mother. She held on to that...as a truth...even after I discovered, and shared with her, that the true cause of my grandmother's death was pneumonia. My mom didn't care. She still hated him. By this time of course, she had built an entire play around the story that justified who she thought she was and why. She lived in that story.

I saw it play out throughout my adult life. I saw it play out in how she wouldn't get very close to her own children, openly. But underneath she loved us deeply though I think she was afraid to. I saw it play out when with us or her grandchildren, if she felt in any way offended, real or imagined, she would shut down. I saw it play out in how she related to the men in her life and how unforgiving she could be. I was the closest person to her, and she would not speak to me for months if I said something she didn't like. She literally would not speak to you, for months, even years with some people.

I am certain you know someone like my mom. You've met those people who are still angry about shit that happened 5 years ago, 10 years ago, some are still angry decades later. And don't mention the person they are angry with, the unforgiven. Bring up nothing about the circumstances that brought about the trespass because if you do...you'll be sorry. You could be having a great conversation, then they morph into this totally different person. They have developed a pattern of behavior around that resentment as if the situation happened yesterday. Sometimes...it's awe-striking how quickly the atmosphere changes. They can seem so kind, loving, intelligent, considerate, then the energy is sucked out of the room, and you're trapped in the current holding on for dear life.

You can look across the spectrum of the lives of those that have not forgiven or at least let go. It impacts the relationships that they have with others. It impacts the relationship that they have with themselves. How can the energy of it not affect their own energetic signatures. Can't you "feel" when something isn't right? Sure, you can. You've gone into a room and "felt" something wasn't right. You have met people and immediately liked them...or not. It was something about the energy of who they were. Who we are radiates lightly or heavily...depending. Let's get back to the point, I know you have things to do.

The energy around wanting someone to suffer is far too heavy for your soul to carry. It's like acid to the spirit of who you are, who you've become, who you're becoming. The energy around wanting someone to suffer has a vibration that weighs you down. How can you truly love or be loved if you are energetically in a place of unresolved resentment. The evolution of your Self can't thrive in a place where pain and suffering reigns. "You cannot have peace on the outside if you are warring on the inside." You've got to know that.

In closing, surely you have trespassed against someone in this life. You've hurt someone's feelings. You've made someone feel bad to what extent you may not know. You've had to ask for forgiveness at some point in your life. If you don't forgive does that change the circumstances somehow? Does it make your life, your walk on this planet...lighter, easier? I think not.

The truth about the energy of forgiveness is what it does for the soul of who...you are. The truth about the energy of forgiveness is the powerful affect that it has on your life. The truth about the energy of forgiveness is that it has that special kind of magic that only you can perform.

Reorient your consciousness. Recognize that you are living in the choice of your being. Create a new beginning. Set yourself free.

Forgive...or be a victim of your choice not to.

Be kind. Be brave. Live in the fullness of your life.

DISCLAIMER

Coaching is not professional counseling, therapy nor a mental health service. I do not imply, infer, or attempt to fix, heal, or cure grief. Some conditions may require a consultation and referral from/to a licensed physician or mental health professional. If you are experiencing serious suicidal thoughts that you cannot control, please call 911 or 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.