Happy Holidays...with a Grain of Salt

Thanksgiving is next week, then Christmas, then the start of the New Year. For many traditions this is a time to find comfort, to be in gratitude, a time for family togetherness, and creating new beginnings. For a person experiencing the absence of a loved one however, this is in conflict with what's actually happening in their world. This time of the year can be difficult. I know. I've been there.

Let me tell you a story:

The year that my son left this life, I spent so much time alone. Feeling empty and lonely, I thought that during this time of the year, during the holidays, I should be with family. I invited them over for the traditional celebration of giving thanks. I hadn't realized at the time that my family circle had been broken. I hadn't realized that having the rest of the family over would emphasize the fact that Jason was absent. But how could I know. How could I know that when my family smiled, when they laughed, when they were being joyful, that I would experience grief on a whole nother level and from an entirely different place. I remember that I tried so hard not to cry, to be strong and hold a space for their happiness and joy. I needed to do that for my family, even though I was in such pain being reminded that Jason wasn't there and that he would never be there again. It was very difficult.

I walked out to the front porch to gather myself. My granddaughter soon followed. She came over to me, put her little arm around my waist and said, "grandma, you are so strong. You are the strongest person I know." Out of the mouth of babes comes the whispers of wisdom. With her in my arms, I thought of the "secondary losses." It came to me then, that Jason was absent from the lives of my family members too. But I hadn't noticed. It was also then that I was reminded that I had someone else to live for.

And so do you.

So yes, when a loved one is absent, these holidays can bring the salt of heavy thoughts, distressing emotions of loneliness, sadness, heartbreak and more. And no one, absolutely no one knows the depth or expanse of what you feel. Remember that there is no such thing as a right or wrong way to grieve or feel emotions. No such thing. Your grief is uniquely your own. Give yourself permission to grieve in the way that YOU need to grieve.

And finally, during this holiday season be in the experience of YOU. Create new traditions, honor the story, light a candle for them, put on fun music, dance, write a thank you letter to them or someone else. Send up a ballon, remind them that you remember them. As long as you remember them ... they are still around.

Together, we will get through these holidays ... cherishing the memories and embracing the future, because they would want us to.

BE good to yourself and...

Happy Holidays even though ... it's with a grain of salt.

DISCLAIMER

I am a certified life and grief coach. I am NOT a professional counselor, a therapist nor a mental health practitioner. I do not imply, infer, or attempt to fix, heal, or cure grief. Some conditions may require consultation and referral from/to a licensed physician or mental health professional. If you are experiencing serious suicidal thoughts that you cannot control, please call 911 or 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.